


Crazy Beautiful Life

by cutthroatpixie



Category: Homestuck, Ke$hastuck
Genre: Crossover, Gen, cross universal shenanigans, insane amounts of fangirling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-09
Updated: 2013-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-13 22:12:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutthroatpixie/pseuds/cutthroatpixie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is ROXY LALONDE and you are, hands down, the biggest Ke$ha fan in every universe ever, despite having discovered her music a few centuries too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crazy Beautiful Life

**Author's Note:**

> I decided there was no better way to make my first official attempt at Homestuck fanfiction than to write a Homestuck/Ke$hastuck crossover. Enjoy ;)

Your name is ROXY LALONDE and today, through the powers of the internet and the endless archives of history it has gifted you with, you have made the discovery of a lifetime. It was truly fate that lead you to the website you are currently on. Your series of random clicks couldn't have actually been all that random, because you know you were meant to find this. 

You are overwhelmed with the utter beauty filling all your senses. Or perhaps your first drink of the day is starting to kick in.

Either way, you have to tell somebody right. the fuck. now.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: dirk  
TG: roxy to dirk  
TG: come in dirk i know ur there this is p important  
TG: dirk  
TG: diiiiiiiirk  
TT: Roxy.  
TG: finally!!! you know its not nice to keep a lady waitin rite  
TT: Then good thing I haven't been keeping any ladies waiting.  
TG: haha youre so funny look at that you are so hiarious i forgot to laugh bc your skills with the jokes broke my laughin mechansm  
TG: *hilarious *mechanism  
TT: Should I give you a minute to put your laughing mechanism back together?  
TT: I would offer to send over some supplies, but I'm guessing you have it covered.  
TG: see theres that hilarity again stop breaking the laughnometer  
TT: I'll try to refrain from breaking the "laughnometer" in the future.  
TT: Since it is so important you've apparently been sidetracked from whatever important news you had to tell me in the first place.  
TG: u sidetracked me its not my fault  
TG: ok but seriously i think i finally understand what that whole archiac past religion thing is all about   
TG: *archaic  
TG: because i have found somethin beautiful and i am a believer  
TG: do you know what i found dirkalicious  
TG: do you  
TT: No. What did you find? And just how beautiful are we talking here?  
TG: moer beautiful than your spiky little head can even imagine  
TT: Haha.  
TT: Okay seriously, what is it?  
TG: i found  
TG: wait for it  
TT: Are you really going to make me wait for it?  
TT: I think we both have better things to do than sit here while you build useless suspense.  
TG: and i think we both kno that we dont  
TG: youll wait for it be patient  
TG: still waitin  
TG: will dirk be able to handle the suspense is it killin him  
TG: whatever could this revelation be  
TG: we just dont know  
TT: Oh look, you already killed me with your suspense. Now I guess you won't ever be able to tell me.  
TG: ke$ha  
TT: Ke$ha?  
TT: With a $?  
TT: How would you even pronounce that? $ isn't a letter in this alphabet, last time I checked.   
TG: its pronounced like a s you dork  
TG: she spelled it like that for irony purposes i guess  
TG: so i think youd like her  
TG: unless that is just too ironic for even you  
TT: Of course it isn't.  
TG: good good  
TG: then youll be interfested in helpin me track this fine lady down so she can impart her wisomd on us both  
TG: *wisdom *interfested is legit ur infested with interest dirk  
TG: better go get that checked  
TT: I'll get right on that.  
TT: Send me over some more information on this Ke$ha and I'll see what I can do.  
TT: Though I'm sure you are more than capable of tracking her down yourself.  
TG: ur too sweet to me   
TG: havin faith in my mad haxxor skills  
TG: ;)

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is an idle chum!

TT: I'm going to guess you're off to track down her contact information. Good luck with that.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: Hey Roxy! You're up mighty late tonight, aren't you?  


tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is an idle chum!

GG: Or perhaps you have left your laptop running after falling asleep again.  
GG: Sleep well if that's the case. I'll see you around :B.  


gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

You are too caught up in a riveting tale of handbags full of whiskey and drunk texting (something you can relate to, of course) to realise that your friends are still pestering you, but you know they'll understand. Sudden disappearances due to unforeseeable circumstances like passing out or the need to get up and shake it are a common occurrence with you.

After a few songs and more than a few drinks, you are ready to finally get down to business. Sorry pals, you've got a musical goddess from the 21st century to track down tonight.

\---

You still have a musical goddess from the 21st century to track down this morning, but you aren't going to let that get you down. You have more than enough songs, pictures, and videos to get you through however long it takes to track down a chumhandle. 

In the meantime, you decide conducting a little more "research" wouldn't hurt.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: janey hey! sorry i missed you last night i was busy with some p important busyness type things  
GG: Business, you say? That certainly does sound official.  
TG: oh its the MOST official thing there ever was gots a seal of approval an everythin  
TG: no business gets as offical as my business  
GG: You slay me, Roxy. Are you ever going to tell me what this business is or am I going to have to sleuth around for whatever it is?  
TG: i was gettin there miss nosey posey corcker  
TG: *crocker  
TG: you have no appreciation for suspense  
GG: Oh right, I'm such a wet blanket. I'll wait while you build up your suspense, don't worry.  
GG: :B  
TG: are u still waitin  
GG: Yes.  
TG: ok good  
TG: only a damp blanket maybe  
GG: You really know how to flatter a lady.  
TG: i flatter all the ladies left an right  
TG: but that is not the point!  
TG: the point is ive been tryin to track down ke$has contact info  
TG: but she is bein sneakier than those men in the silly hats in your movies  
GG: Ke$ha?  
GG: Well then. That is not quite the kind of business I thought of when you said you had important business!  
GG: Doesn't she have a fanmail address?  
TG: LE SIGH JANEY  
TG: of course i found that but i need her chumhandle you  
TG: fish  
GG: Fish?  
TG: i used that wrong didnt i lol  
GG: I'll let it slide this time, but only because you're my best friend and you clearly have some intense business going on right now that is the exact opposite of malarkey.  
TG: damn rite it is   
TG: dont you be callin my mission to dicuss v intense music topics with ke$ha malarkey  
GG: I would never.  
GG: Why the sudden need to speak with her? You've never mentioned liking Ke$ha before.  
TG: i just came to discover her beauty  
TG: it was an accidental yet spiritual experience for all involved  
TG: all bein me and frigglish o course  
TG: *of  
GG: I am more than a little shocked that I heard of her music before you did.  
GG: I haven't heard much of it, but she does seem like somebody you would listen to.  
TG: shh i gotta let you have some modern knowledge before me sometimes  
TG: is what friends are for  
GG: Oh pipe down, I'm not completely behind on the times!  
TG: you rly are  
TG: but thats ok  
TG: its p great when you start goin on about things bein nifty or givin you the heebie jeebies  
TG: then i get to say to myself   
TG: roxy you fine young lady that is your bffsie  
TG: that heebsie jeebsie sayin lass right there  
GG: Aw shucks, buster :B  
TG: lol see there you go love that shit  


Your research (and it is research, not silly idle chat!) doesn't quite turn up anything other than that Ke$ha was so popular and great back in Jane's time that even Jane knows about her, but that is enough you suppose. It's not like you actually thought Jane would know anything more than your internet searches turned up.

Keeping Jane's window open in the background, you start to sift through some oddly encrypted files you may or may not have downloaded from some ancient email account you stumbled across last night during what you hope is not going to end up being a wild goose chase. They don't seem to want to open for you any more than they did when you first found them last night, but that doesn't deture you one bit. 

The chime of another chum pestering you distracts you more than one bit, but you'll get back to your work once you see what Dirk wants.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: I've listened to all the "v impotant historcal info" you sent me last night and I've come to the conclusion that you must have slipped something weird into one of your drinks.  
TT: This music is shit, Rox.  
TT: What the hell.  
TG: lies  
TG: you heard it an wanted to shaek your booty everywhere  
TG: *shake  
TT: I did no such thing.  
TG: everybody take it off dirk  
TG: that means you dirk you are everyone  
TT: I am not.   
TT: That song makes me want to put more on in defiance.   
TT: None of this is irony, it is just horrible past pop music.   
TG: dirk is dancin with tears in his eeeyes  
TT: Stop it.  
TG: sing along i know you know the words  
TT: I really don't.  
TG: dirk  
TT: Roxy.  
TG: dirk  
TT: Roxy.  
TG: i am in love  
TG: with what we aaare  
TG: (this is were you come in let urself be overcome with the spirtitual poewr of ke$ha)  
TG: (*where *those tits are v spiritual *power)  
TT: ...Not what we should be.  
TG: and?  
TT: And I suppose  
TT: I am starstruck  
TG: WTIH EVERY PART OF THIS WHOLE STORYYY  
TG: *WITH  
TT: If you do manage to figure out how to speak with this woman, remind me to ask her what sort of insane mind control devices she put into this shit.  
TG: lol chill ur tits and jist enjoy the beaoty  
TG: *just *booty  
TT: If you tell anyone about this enjoyment of the "booty", I am going to send a robot over to throw all your booze into the sea.

timaeusTestified [TT] is an idle chum!

TG: you so left to go gt down wit ur bad self i know it

With Dirk gone to "get down with his bad self", as you so eloquently put it (give or take a misspelled word or two), you can get back to work on making these tight lipped files finally spill their secrets to your eager eyes.

No matter how silent and unyielding they attempt to be, nothing is a true match for your skills, and soon enough (though not really all that soon, considering how long you actually spent messing around with the damn things), you are looking at what appears to be a saved pesterlog.

scarletSiren [SS] began pestering debonairDionysus [DD]

SS: There you are, Ke$ha.  
DD: where the fuck el$e would i be?  
DD: other than thi$ metaphorical there  
SS: It's really anyone's guess most of the time.   
SS: But you left your mobile at my place.  
DD: aw fuck i thought i was forgetting something  
SS: I'll get it to you as soon as I can, no worries. At least you left it with somebody you actually know this time.  


The pesterlog goes on for awhile, much in the same fashion many of your chats with your friends go— just two friendly people aimlessly chatting about everything, anything, and nothing at all. The exact contents of the log are not what's important to you.

It's what this scarletSiren person addressed debonairDionysus as.

You do believe you've finally found the much sought after Ke$ha.

You raise your glass in celebration and down it all in one swift gulp before going to make yourself another to celebrate your victory.

You truly are the maddest, most awesome haxxor that ever lived.

\---

There are no guarantees this is actually the Ke$ha you are looking for, of course. You aren't exactly an expert on naming customs from the beginning of the second millenium; Ke$ha could have been an extremely popular name for all you know. You aren't going to back down from this opportunity that has offered itself to you, though, oh no! Even if it's not her, you are always up for adding to the small list of people you interact with, even if you love every single one of them to pieces.

You are also maybe, possibly filled with a little more liquid courage than you were when you first cracked the code of the initially unforthcoming pesterlog file.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering debonairDionysus [DD]

TG: ok sos yuo dont kno me but!!! i am shuc a fna lol hi  
TG: *so *you *suck *fann  
TG: *such *lol fanny  
TG: no im not a fanny that wuold be sully  
DD: $hit girl, how drunk are you?  
DD: i $hould join you, whoever you are.  
TG: im roxcy!  
TG: *roxy  
DD: nice to meet you, roxcy *roxy.  
DD: you keep your drunk a$$ right where it i$ and when i get back we'll have ourselve$ a little party.  


debonairDionysus [DD] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TG: ahhh :3 ok!!!

You wait patiently for all of three-and-a-half milliseconds before you are clicking on another friend's name in order to FREAK THE FUCK OUT over this latest development.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: DRIK  
TG: *DIRL  
TG: *GIRL HAHA  
TT: You'll get it.  
TG: *DICK  
TT: That one was on purpose.  
TG: y it wsa ;p  
TG: but antway  
TG: *anyway  
TG: DIRK  
TT: Yes Roxy?  
TG: i found her!  
TG: ke$ha!  
TG: she taljed to me!  
TG: *talked  
TG: no fcuk it too excite fro all thse astwrficks  
TT: *astrofucks?  
TG: yes dirk ur a genuis  
TT: I try.  
TG: omg do you tyr ;)  
TT: One might say I try all the time.  
TT: You were saying Ke$ha talked to you?  


The window with that delightful dark blue text chimes again, letting you know that Ke$ha has returned. You hate to cut your conversation with Dirk short, but... actually, you really aren't all that sorry about blowing him off just this once. How often do you get to speak with fabulous, nearly goddess-like artists from the past that you admire with all your heart and soul?

Exactly.

TT: Roxy?  
TG: shh shhhhh shes back  
TG: brb ok ill tell you all aout it  
TT: I'll be anxiously awaiting your return, then.  
TG: oh shtu it  
TG: go sign darmatically whiel talkin to jake hes on  


tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

debonairDionysus [DD]  began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

DD: $o what'$ up?  
TG: nm  
TG: wlel  
TG: alot nwo! becuase im talkin to yuo  
TG: *well *now *becase *you  
DD: haha $hit roxy you're hilariou$.  
DD: how'd you get my u$ername anyway?  
TG: i fond it!  
TG: bc i wnated to chay wiht you!  
DD: well lucky you I got fuck all to do tonight.  
DD: cept get a little high on life, of course.  
TG: of crouse!   
TG: i lvoe that son  
TG: *love *song  
DD: $ong?  
DD: girl that'$ ju$t what i'm doing with myself.  
DD: not a $ong i know of  
DD: but i'd probably like it, $ound$ fucking awe$ome.  
TG: its ur song  
TG: isnt it  
TG: ooooh shoit  
DD: you $till there??  
DD: don't be pa$$ing out on me now.  
TG: im here!  
TG: it jsut seemd yoi havrnt writen it yet  
TG: byt thats ok  
DD: getting all deep on me here.  
DD: yeah there are a lot of thing$ i haven't written yet.  
DD: ju$t waiting to get out.  
DD: that actually doe$ $ound like $omething i'd write.  
TG: you will!!!  
DD: $hit  
DD: yeah I will.  
DD: thank$ for the encouragement you random a$$ drunk girl!!  
TG: no propblem :D  


\---

You spend the rest of the night/morning/whatever talking to Ke$ha. You know it's the one you were looking for, albeit probably a little too far in the past than the musical genius you are currently idolising. It doesn't matter one bit though, because she's everything you could hope for and more. She's funny and clever and has the best ideas about how to mix all the bottles lining the cabinets in your house. The spark of friendship between you was lit almost immediately and if you were anyone else you might be embarrassed by how much you drunkenly confided in her during your first real chat, but you aren't. She doesn't judge you when you accidentally fall asleep at your laptop while talking to her. Based on when you both went idle, actually, you are pretty sure she passed out about the same time as you did. 

You were clearly meant to be friends and the universe is aligning as perfectly as it ever possibly could in order to make this all possible for you both.

After you've cleaned up some of the bottles from your little Ke$ha party the night before and found yourself and Frigglish some actual food, you get back online to see if you can continue the friendshipfest from the night before.

It looks like you can, but before you can click on Ke$ha's name, another window pops up.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Roxy tell Ke$ha to stop bothering me.  
TT: I don't know what you told her about me, but make her stop.  
TT: Roxy seriously.  
TG: i just told her you were her second biggest fan!  
TG: after me duh im the biggest one ever  
TT: She just asked me why I'm "never layin the dirk"  
TT: What does that even mean?  
TG: ehehehe  
TG: oh man thats a good one  
TG: not layin that dirk wonk wonk  
TT: ...  
TT: Right.  
TG: ill tell her to bejave   
TG: much as she can ;)  
TG: *oh shit speakin spanis now *behave  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: I think.  
TG: ur still the biggest fan after me  
TG: not revokin that  
TT: I'd be more than a little disappointed in you if you did.  


You quickly open up a new window to ask Ke$ha to leave Dirk alone, because despite any neglect he may have suffered in the short amount of time you've been chatting with pop stars across time and space, he's still totally one of your best friends and it's absolutely necessary you have his back.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering debonairDionysus [DD]

TG: ke$ha!!!  
DD: oh hey, you're awake  
DD: I wa$ having a little fun with your buddy dirk.  
TG: ehe yeah i heard  
TG: shhh a little though hes shy  
DD: he'$ $hy or you're worried i'm moving in on your territory  
TG: he is  
TG: and hes not my territory i told you that  
DD: i am $en$ing $ome melancholy here  
DD: i'll leave him alone.  
TG: thanks! ur a good friend :)  
DD: fuck yeah i am. crazy kids like u$ gotta $tick together.  
TG: v true!  
DD: on an unrelated note, if we ever meet up, we're partying at hi$ hou$e.  
DD: tho$e pic$ you $howed me la$t night were of the tighte$t place ever.  
TG: it is cool isnt it  
TG: i dont think hed want us messin it up though  
DD: ke$ha don't give two fucks  
TG: u came to start that ruckus?  
DD: like you read my mind. ;)  


\---

You continue talking to Ke$ha for a good week or two, enjoying every moment of it.

One day she doesn't come online, but that's okay. You have other people to talk to and she actually has other people around her to hang out with.

She doesn't come on the next day either, or the day after that. 

After a week and multiple inquiries to Dirk about whether or not he's seen her online, you decide that maybe, possibly, you just can't communicate with her anymore. 

You're more than a little sad when you realise this.

The saddness passes for the most part when one of her songs starts playing on your computer, because that's what started your beautiful, if brief, friendship in the first place, and you'll always have the songs and memories, won't you?

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering tipsyGnostaligc [TG]

Oh shit. When was the last time you spoke with Jake?!!

GT: Hey roxy long time no talk.  
TG: yeah haha oops sorry jake  
GT: Ive been busy it sure isnt your fault!   
GT: Sometimes so much adventure is afoot its hard to keep track of the time  
TG: thats so true  
TG: though ive not really been adventurin just talkin at ke$ha lol  
TG: probs wont be hearin from her anymore so just your adventurin keepin us apart my good sir  
GT: Who might this kesha broad be?  
TG: OH YEAH I NEVER TOLD YOU HOLD ON  


tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent golgothasTerror [GT] the file omgkeshasobeauty9687lotsopix.png

GT: Oh my.  
TG: ???  
GT: Diddle my fiddle and pull my strings thats a friend of yours?  
TG: yeeeeeeah  
TG: notice the drawn out es jake what the hell  
GT: Is it just me or are things getting a little steamy in here that blue eyeshadow golly.  
TG: you stop those stirrins in yo loins ke$ha is a lady assface  


golgothasTerror [GT] is an idle chum!

TG: JAKE  
TG: I AM  
TG: TAKING NAMES HERE YOUR NAME IN SPECIFICAL  
TG: I DONT FUCK AROUND  
TG: JAKE NO  


\---

Nothing can last forever, but you'll always remember those times you spent together. Forever.


End file.
